Respect and Self-Reliance
Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as they are. Without negating anything or forcing anything, one accepts and values the person as they are. And respect may also be regarded as the starting point of encouragement. Not trying to change or manipulate the other person before you, accepting that person as they are without setting any conditions. Then, on being taken by another person “as one is,” one is likely to gain great courage.
We need to see with the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another. None of us live in an objective world, but instead, in a subjective world that we have given meaning to. In other words, we are not creatures determined by past events. Instead, we decide on our lives according to the importance we offer those events. That is why people do not try to change and want to feel “okay with things as they are,” no matter how tough life gets. And they search for “okay as I am” ingredients to affirm their current situation.
In history, the “now” is always the most correct, and whenever one authority is overthrown, a new ruler will rewrite the past. But they will do so only to explain their legitimacy.
There are two objectives for behavior: To be self-reliant and To live in harmony with society. One must not praise, and one must not rebuke. Anyone can be happy from this moment onward. Anyone can be satisfied from this moment onwards. This is an undeniable fact, not magic or anything of the sort. You, and everyone else, can take steps toward happiness. But happiness is not something one can enjoy by staying where one is. One has to keep walking along the path one has embarked on. Philosophy is more of a living attitude than a field of study. You are not living to please other people’s expectations. Other people don’t live to please your expectations.
Don’t be afraid of who might be watching; ignore other people’s judgment, and don’t seek recognition from others. Choose the path that is best for you and that you believe in.
Teach that one’s own life and one’s everyday actions are things that one determines oneself. Responsibility, in the true sense of the word, is something that only that person can make themselves take. This is what has led to the idea of separation of tasks. You, who are not in the position of receiving the final responsibility, must not intervene in others’ tasks. The statement, in other words, says, Who will receive the end result brought about by the choice that is made?
The educator must not be a judge but a counselor always there for the child. Put cooperation with others above all else instead of competition with others. The strength- and rank-contesting principle of competition always results in “vertical relationships.” Because it creates winners and losers and the hierarchical relationships between them.
Determining the value of “me” oneself — that is self-reliance. A person does not live to fulfill someone else’s expectations. Whether that person is one’s parent, teacher, or someone else, one must not choose a way of living that meets “that person’s” expectations. Instead of seeking approval, one has to approve oneself with one’s mind. Having another person decide the worth of “me” is dependence.
In the most basic sense of the word, the past does not exist. Every person is a compiler of a story of “me,” who rewrites his or her past as desired to prove the legitimacy of “me now. And events that run counter to the current plans are erased.
The past does not decide now. It is your now that decides the past. One must not get drunk on the cheap wine of tragedy. We should only discuss “What should be done now?”. Children are not cruel — it’s that they don’t know. Instead of focusing on when a child does some “good thing,” focus on the minor everyday details of their words and actions. Language-based communication necessitates much time and effort to arrive at a consensus. By resorting to violence, one can push through one’s demands without expending time or effort. In every way, violence is a low-cost, easy means of communication. We must not rely on violence to communicate; we must search for other kinds of communication.
Maintaining law and order is not your job. Violence, which includes reprimand, is a form of communication that reveals one’s immaturity as a human being. There is no respect in touch with anger and violence. Instead, such communication invites contempt. That reprimand does not lead to substantive improvement is a self-evident truth. Anger is an emotion that pulls people apart.
[¹]: The Courage to Be Happy: Discover the Power of Positive Psychology and Choose Happiness Every Day
