Nurturing Connection and Positive Discipline for Child Development

In practice, mindful discipline means approaching each situation with curiosity. Why did my child do that? Usually, the answer has to do with emotions and goals. What emotion were they trying to express? What purpose were they trying to do? What lesson do I want them to learn right now? How should I deliver that lesson? This answer may vary depending on the answer to the first question. This answer will also depend on the specifics of the situation.

Positive connections are a foundation for healthy relationships and good mental health later in life.

Connection is essential because it sets the stage for kids to listen and learn. This means kids lose access to upper brain skills like emotional regulation and processing new information. Empathic connection helps children calm the raging lower brain to the point that it no longer drowns out the upper brain. They’ll be able to use that skill with less help from you. When parents are on autopilot, they often resort to two common punishments: time-outs and spanking. This often escalates kids’ strong emotions rather than helping them calm down. Spanking, like time-outs, often escalates dramatic situations. When a child’s primitive brain is engaged, it’s almost impossible for her to think about the experience, so she’ll continue acting out.

Many parents misunderstand discipline to mean punishment. Discipline is about teaching children to improve their behavior. Discipline has two goals. In the short term, it aims to establish close cooperation with children by redirecting them to positive behavior. In the long term, it helps children develop skills like empathy and emotional regulation to serve them throughout their lives. Children will make better decisions and need less discipline as they get these skills. With consistent and loving discipline, children’s brains form new positive connections.

[¹]: No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind