Discipline for Emotional Intelligence

Connection is essential because it sets the stage for kids to listen and learn. This means kids lose access to upper brain skills like emotional regulation and processing new information. Empathic connection helps children calm the raging lower brain to the point that it no longer drowns out the upper brain. They’ll be able to use that skill with less help from you. What happens when your child breaks a rule? You’ll first teach why your child’s behavior was inappropriate. When your child understands why their behavior was wrong, they’ll experience natural feelings of guilt and regret. This, in turn, impairs their ability to form relationships and can even make them more vulnerable to depression and anxiety. So, discipline strategies that avoid criticism can protect children’s mental health in the long term. Instead of responding with a hard “no” when your child asks for something, the authors recommend saying “yes” — but on your terms. Hearing a flat “no” tends to activate children’s lower brains, so using a conditional yes instead can help avoid drama.

Discipline has two goals. In the short term, it aims to establish close cooperation with children by redirecting them to positive behavior. Over time, it helps children develop skills like empathy and emotional regulation to serve them throughout their lives. Children will make better decisions and need less discipline as they get these skills. With consistent and loving discipline, children’s brains form new. Positive connections are a foundation for healthy relationships and good mental health later in life. We should never bribe or threaten our children to do what we want them to believe in. Thus, if we train to be attentive, we should register it before our cognitive apparatus engages. Many parents misunderstand discipline to mean punishment. Discipline is about teaching children to improve their behavior.

[¹]: No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind